OK – Well Not Really, But He Sure as Heck Looks Like Mark Twain

Dad loved to travel and many of his stories are about some of his travels. As an “Accomplished Executive” (Pride and Prejudice – Sahud Version) he traveled frequently to England and other countries and spent a ton of time on airplanes (he hated to fly BTW). After he retired, dad and mom were fortunate enough to be able to sail the high seas on many a cruise ship.

“Why am I Here?” (excerpt)

Let’s take a Caribbean cruise on an elegant ship and never leave the ship”, said the voice from the bedroom.”

Thanks for the assurance that you won’t push me overboard! But why can’t we just sit on our deck and stare at that puddle that cost so much when we bought the house”, was my answer from the living room.

Because I love the atmosphere of a floating hotel, where I can get waited on and eat at least 5 meals a day. I can also use the casino without driving there, use the pool when I feel like it, see spectacular shows, and indulge in a bunch of activities”, with the voice growing stronger, indicating an approach to the living room.

When I finally came face-to-face with the voice, she showed me a completed application for a cruise leaving from and returning to our clubhouse and describing all of the boring activities that seemed to inspire her. I never had a chance.

“Fraud on the High Seas” (excerpt)

Did you ever get the feeling that the whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes? It all started when we received our cruise confirmation. We received platinum identification cards, while our cousins received blue ones. They had never been on a Princess cruise, while were on one fifteen years ago. We didn’t realize the magnitude of our involvement until we saw a special check-in line for platinum card holders. There were only six in front of us, while there were over fifty in front of the cousins. The plot thickened when we learned that Internet access cost $.35 per minute, unless YOU HAVE A PLATINUM CARD. Our cousins had a blue card and had to pay the going rate. (Needless-to-say we let them use our time to make their contacts. Fortunately, the brig was located only one deck below ours in case we had to transfer our belongings there. Johnny Cochrane, here we come!)

Back to Mark Twain…Some Quotes

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter”

“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.”

“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please”

“Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.”

‘Classic.’ A book which people praise and don’t read.”


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